Day 7: Lent 2012

So today was very interesting emotionally and spiritually, but all I have to say is,

"At one point you will have to fight for me because I'm doing all I can and I'm leaving. If I'm worth keeping, then fight. If not, I understand and I will walk away."

Day 6: Lent 2012

So tomorrow is February 29, and since it is a leap year, we are given one more day. No big deal, right? Wrong.

Take this time to take advantage of one more day this year. Make a difference. Do something nice for someone. Tell a friend you love them or how much they mean to you. Help a stranger. Set everything straight with current issues. You have another day to get things right. God is giving us an opportunity to do more not only for ourself, but for others.

For me, well I'm not sure, but I'm not gonna let this moment pass me by. Tomorrow will surprise me with what it has to bring.

What are you gonna challenge yourself to do?

Day 5: Lent 2012

A friend of mine texted me out of
the blue today. I wasn't expecting it because they've never really ever texted me before but what they had to tell me was what really turned this day around.

They had told me before that they had went to church awhile back and were praying to receive Jesus. I thought that this was peculiar because this person has definitely led an interesting life. Why the sudden change? But I come to find out today that my friend wants to become a Christian. And I thought to myself, that's kinda weird, aren't you already one? Well my friend has been going to the same church their whole life, but now they've made the decision they really do want to take on the role and life as a Christian.

I think throughout our life, we go to church and just kinda go through the motions. Not really paying attention to detail and just letting words said to us go through one ear and out the other. We're Christians, but we're not living up to it.

But now that my friend has decided to become a Christian and really take on the responsibility and duties of being one, I feel like they are making one of the biggest and best decisions of their life. I don't think they really know how proud I am of them. Turning their life around and devoting it to God. God will take care of my friend and help guide and lead them.

We are all called to be devout disciples to God and in this we serve and spread his Word. We live by it and use it to work through others.  Not only that, we are to listen to God when he speaks to us. Listen to what he has to say. Everyday is an opportunity for our relationship to grow closer with God and to help others find him. My friend has truly found him.

To my friend, we haven't known each other that long ever since high school, but what you're doing now is a giant step forward for you. I really am proud of you beyond words. I'm with you every step of the way. I love you so much and you mean a lot to me. Don't forget that. I pray that your relationship with God will grow and become strong and that you may come to see his Love, Forgiveness, Guidance, Understanding, Grace, Beauty, and Power throughout your life.

"But whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider a loss because of Christ. More than that, I consider everything a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have accepted the lost all things and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him [...] to know him and the power of his resurrection and sharing of his sufferings by being confirmed to his death [...] It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it. Brothers, I for my part do not consider myself to have taken possession. Just one thing: Forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God's upward calling, in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:7-9,12-14

"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's me and you together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."

Day 4: Lent 2012

What does being Holy mean?

As defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary, holy is

 

- exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness

- divine <for the Lord our God is holy — Psalms 99:9(Authorized Version)>

- devoted entirely to the deity or the work of the deity <a holy temple> <holy prophets>

- having a divine quality <holy love> b : venerated as or as if sacred <holy scripture> <a holy relic>

 

Okay so now that we know what holy is, how do we be holy? Or even better yet, how do we live holy lives?

 

I for one am totally devoted to God. God is my homeboy. We talk, text, and hangout all the time. He's just always there for me. He really is. But anyways, saying that you are devoted and living a holy life doesn't mean that you really are. Don't be all talk. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. And if people are accusing you of not living true to your word, then don't try to prove it to them, prove it to yourself. No one knows your relationship with God better than you do.

 

Being holy isn't just going to church and saying a prayer here and there. Being holy is sort of like being the sun. You're probably wondering, "What the heck?". But no really. For example, the sun is always bright and radiating. And when sunset comes, just because it's gone doesn't mean it stops shining. And that relates to being holy and with your faith. God's grace and wisdom radiates through you for all the world to see, and even in the dark, you still shine. To me the dark resembles being by yourself  when people can't see you or when you're not around people you know. You still shine. You don't stop being holy. You keep radiating that faith and determination. You continue to make the right decisions for God. Being holy isn't like a light switch. You can't just turn it on when you feel like it and turning it off when you could care less. I mean you can, but that's not how it should be treated. You're either all for God or not at all.

 

I live a constant prayer life. Before I didn't give much thanks to God and didn't really acknowledge what he's been doing for me, but now I've become more aware of that. I thank him for being able to live another day and to see tomorrow. For having a home, car, a job, friends, and etc. I even thank him for all the pain, the hurtful friends, the cruel strangers, and all the suffering. If that's what God wills me to do, then so be it. I tell him, "God if this is what you want to put me through, then do it. I will gladly accept it. I may not like it, but you're the one with the plan and you know what's best for me. Something good comes out of everything and I know it with all my heart. I'm here to serve you Lord and no one else alone." I abstain from sex, alchohol, and drugs as well. Your body is a temple and you shouldn't be harming your temple, for the soul lives within the temple.

 

I've really never thought if I'm holy or what. It's a peculiar question. I just know that I remain faithful to God and I live and praise his word. You can call me holy, a liar, a hypocrite, a good person, or whatever. But that doesn't matter to me because in the end I know where I stand with God.

 

Keep your head up and your Faith strong. 

Day 3: Lent 2012

This post is in dedication to all those who are involved in car accidents.

February 1, 2012. That was the day I had my license for a full year. I had posted on Twitter earlier that day that I had never been in a car accident or gotten a ticket. Boy how ironic was it when I got into a wreck that afternoon on my way home in the process of getting my paycheck along the way.

Sure I had a nosebleed, burnt left hand, and extreme soreness throughout my body...but that's all the information people knew. I told them how the accident happened and people showed their sympathy and concern, but what they don't understand is what goes on mentally and emotionally. From time to time when I drive, I relive my accident. I take sharp breaths here and there and I'll maybe flinch too, but that's because the accident is still etched in my memory. I can feel that pain and the rush of emotions through me.

Some close friends asked me and discussed with me, "How close were you to dying? For example, police officers and other officials say that so and so was 2 feet away from a tree and could have been dead." For me, I don't know. Nothing of that sort was said to me. But what I discussed with them that was really important is what went on in my mind during that accident.

I hope none of you will ever have to experience this, but take a second to imagine, you look in your rearview mirror and there is a car flying towards you. What do you do? There's no time to think, move, or even take action. You.are.completely.helpless. The feeling of being helpless and not being able to do a thing is the worst feeling ever. You can't control the situation. Whatever is thrown at you, you take it as it is. And may the best survive.

At that moment, which was maybe one of the craziest moments of my life, everything rushed through my head in that one second. I saw that car and I thought, "Is this it? Is this how my life is going to end? This can't be happening. I'm so scared. I'm afraid for what's gonna happen next. What about my friend who is in the passenger seat? Why did I bring her with me? Why didn't we leave school at a different time? What if she dies? How can I live with myself? Has my life been worthy enough to end now? What can I do? Is this truly the end?"

That was truly an experience I will never forget. Being in the hospital and enduring the next days were horrible since I was truly in so much pain, but I've learned to never take life for granted. I remember the whole accident like it was yesterday. The moment the wreck happened I felt like I was in a commercial or tv. As funny as that may sound, it's really not. I told my friend, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" I'm truly sorry. I can't believe I put her through that. Even though it wasn't my fault, she will live on with this experience too. When we were free from the wreck, we hugged each other and just cried. We were both alive. But still....in moments people's lives can be taken away and luckily and thankfully, we came out alive and well.

To this day, I'm still a bit edgy when people are driving behind me or slowing to a stop. I've become more a self-defensive driver. No matter how great of a driver you are, you never know how well the others are around you. Stay safe and live above the influence.

It's raining outside. Some say that the rain makes them feel sad and others happy. For me, it makes me want to run through a storm just to be with you.

Day 2: Lent 2012

I feel like everyday I check Facebook, someone gets into a car accident. All I can say is my prayers go out to everyone and to never take life for granted. Remind someone how much they mean to you and always be nice to all you see. You just never know what will happen.

Won't you let me live my life? I'm just a teenager. I won't be young forever.

Day 1: Lent 2012

On my way to work today, I was thinking about how my life has been going lately especially over this past break. Having a job and being part of the work world, it's really a different life. I mean I wish I could spend time with friends, enjoy the weather, or do as I please, but it's not like that. I can work all day, from sunrise to sunset, and I come home at the end of the day to nothing. Nothing in the sense that I have to eat dinner alone, and embrace the fact that I haven't been able to hang out with anyone. This is what life will be like when you're older. You have a responsibility and you have to earn your living. I've gotten a taste of that. Enjoy life while you can with all the freedom you've been given.

Today I worked a straight 8 1/2 hours without a break. It was pretty intense, but I do work son! Anyways, every time I work there is practically something that happens that day that is memorable. Today was truly one of those days. I was working back drive-through and a pair of teenagers pull up to pay for their food. Their total was $2.14. The couple handed me a dollar and some change and they continued to search their car for money. When they asked how much they had given me. It was $1.38. They gave me more but it wasn't enough. Looking at them, I decided to pitch in a dollar to pay for the rest. I gave them their leftover change and they were super thankful for it. I felt really good about myself.

But it doesn't stop there! So a couple orders later, an older woman pulls up to pay. Her total was $9.06. She gives me a bunch of 1's and the 6¢ and I count it at first and there's 10. I was like no that can't be right. Why is there an extra 1? I asked her and she sensed my confusion. She later explained to me that the extra $1 was a tip since I'm working and that I'm nice. I simply couldn't accept it, but she said she does it all the time. I tried handing it back but she started to drive off. I just said thank you. What great karma. My dollar found its way back to me.

God truly does work in mysterious ways.

Lent: The 40 Day Journey

So I've been thinking about what I want to do for Lent. Primarily, every year I honestly try to become a better person. And it's possible because no one is perfect. Last year, I gave up cussing and that didn't go too well...haha.

But anyways, this year I found something more meaningful to do. Everyday, I will journal/blog about my life. What's going on, struggles, accomplishments, my Faith, my Philosophy on matters, future plans, things on my mind, and the list rolls on and on. And you're probably thinking, "Well that's you're supposed to talk about when you blog." For me, this is different because you will see a different side of me. What's really going on in my life and how people have no idea what I'm going through. The Unspoken Thoughts and Words will come to light.

Along with that, everyday I'll be making an inspirational notecard. It will end up on a wall, on a table, in someone's hands, on a mirror, or etc. The whole purpose is to give hope to all. Inspiration. Pass It On.

At the end of these 40 Days, I will be a changed person and you will see me in a different light. This is a journey I'm taking. I walk alone, but I'm never alone at heart.

That horizon looks so beautiful. Won't you stop and admire it with me?

Here I Am

I feel like I'm tearing at the seams. How can someone like me who has almost everything going for him feel like a complete abandonment? I feel ultimately alone and I'm not sure what to do. I need someone...but where are they? Do they not hear my cries of anguish or the call for assistance? People suspect that someone like me wouldn't really need anybody to lean on. Primarily because of the fact that I'm always so happy. And truthfully, I am pretty happy. But at the same time, I feel out of place. I don't have that group of close knit friends. I'm just Antonio. I'm all that I have. I am my own group and it's lonesome. No one has ever showed me how much they cared about me. Never returned the favor I did for them. I just don't want to feel alone anymore.

"One voice in a sea of pain.
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am.
Right now I can barely stand.
If You're everything You say You are, Won't You come close and hold my heart?"

-Tenth Avenue North

God Works Through Us

One thing that will always fascinate me is how beautiful it is to see how God has worked through someone. That strong faith and enduring relationship is a true sight to behold.

First

"The first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest."