Reckless

I love being straightforward. I love being spontaneous. I love being who I am.

I love sending random reckless text messages because how great is it to be vulnerable and open to people you care about. Whether it be at the crack of dawn or in the middle of the night, why wouldn’t I want to tell people I’m thinking of them? What do I have to lose if I’m simply being myself? Nothing.

I love telling people how much I love them and how perfect I think they are. People think I’m crazy to believe that there’s perfect people in this world and that perfection is merely a concept we can’t grasp but I still like to be that big eyed dreamer and open minded believer. I find joy in telling people how much they mean to me and how much they have impacted my life. I like telling people “I like your face,” or “You are beautiful,” or “You’re perfect.” I like to be an open book and speak what I feel.

Because one day, I’m going to die. I might die in a car accident, I might get shot, I might die of cancer.

Maybe it’s absolutely crazy. Maybe it’s absolutely weird. Maybe it seems completely impossible to just be so open to people— to just people in, to just let people know you love them and to let them know you need them in your life. Why would you want to wait for a day for when a person is at the edge of their life and you’re just now waiting for that point in time to tell them everything they mean to you?

Sometimes I wish people understood how much I love them and all the meaning behind my texts. Sometimes I wish I could exemplify the love that the Lord has for me to others. I wish people could experience the feeling of overwhelming joy where your heart literally feels like exploding and you just want to go out and love the world. I wish people could see that I would give anything to them and that I love them beyond words could ever say. Because one day, I won’t be here to say “I love you” anymore.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate than wanting to love and be loved.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never now the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans. We never know how much are actions and words can truly change a life.

We never know when that car is coming. We never know when that bullet is coming. We never know who’s going to have cancer.

We never know when our time has come. 

$$$ No Money, Mo’ Problems. $$$

Ever heard the saying, “mo’ money, mo’ problems?” You might have heard it from Notorious B.I.G. or just hear someone randomly say it. To me, I feel like if you have more money then you should have less problems because you can practically solve all of them with money. Seems pretty straightforward to me. However, this wasn’t the deal for me. This past semester, I experienced a lesson where I had no money, and nothing but a ton of problems.

I have a typical reputation of being a constant job hopper. Over the course of my Freshman Year in college, I’ve had job positions and interviews at Great American Cookies, GAP, The North Face, Einstein Bagels, UAB Hospital, Olive Garden, and Starbucks. This past semester, I experienced a period of unemployment and it was during that time that I learned an important lesson from God.

At the beginning of January, I had quit The North Face and was awaiting job interviews and final decisions from numerous jobs. I constantly stayed by phone hoping that I would get a call from a number I didn’t know and hoping it was a job interview. I had become so anxious about life as I watched my bank account slowly creep towards $0. This term of unemployment with no income lasted for 3 months as I became more and more concerned with the fact that I wouldn’t end up with a job.

Over this time period, I learned that I had become so dependent on money to satisfy all my wants, not my needs. I wanted new clothes, I wanted to go out to eat, I wanted to go buy a smoothie, I wanted to go buy some coffee at O’Henry’s, I wanted to go eat my stress away at Krispy Kreme. I had become so dependent on my income to help live from day to day. It wasn’t until about 2 months into this unemployment period did I start to reflect on this whole experience. God was giving me the ultimate test of patience and reliance on Him through this time.

Because of my dependence on money, I was overlooking all the other things in life. I was focusing on the worldly desires of this world when rather I could be focusing on God’s creation. I was able to grow in my faith with God during this time because now that I wasn’t out and about, I was actually praying or reading my devotional. I was actually focusing more on the relationships around me and not worrying about what new button up I should get at Vineyard Vines.

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.”

                -Ecclesiastes 5:10

I was so focused on making money and spending it that I neglected all the things around me. I was never satisfied with a $200 paycheck because I just wanted more. I had the mindset that I could make more and more. Enough was never enough for me. I was in love with money for what it could offer to me. However, over time I realized that money cannot and will not ever be satisfying.

There’s a quote I’ve seen that states, “Some people are so poor that the only thing they have is money.” Reflecting on this quote, I was one of those people and it’s shocking to even think about it in that light. With God, I’m rich. I am rich in faith and I can abound in the wealth of his love and grace. This triumphs over money any day because you can’t put a price on God’s love. It’s simply free and simply endless.

Today, I am fortunate and blessed to have a job at Starbucks at UAB. Over constant prayer, I wanted God to lead me to be a disciple in whichever job He had for me in His plan.  Before every job interview I always pray, “God, please lead me to where You want me to be. This job isn’t just to serve customers, but to serve You Lord. Place me in a position in a job where I can share Your word with all that I meet. There’s no better job than serving and loving You Lord.” Thankfully, I’m at the next chapter in my life where I learn to be a beacon of God’s light in this new job and new place.

God taught me a lesson which took me 3 months to comprehend and understand but I’m so thankful for His guidance. I’ve learned to rely on my faith and not the money that fuels this world. I’ve learned to be patient and humble and not anxious and selfish. I’ve learned that even the poorest of us can learn to dance and live in the richness of God’s splendor.

“Making money, it isn't easy
And it sure won't make you happy
So I think it's funny
We're so concerned with making money

And money won't keep folks from grieving
And it won't stop love from leaving
So here's my two cents
What's the use in making money

And I know that life ain't cheap
And not all good things are free
But there is no enough and no too much
and it seems so strange to me
I just think it's funny
We're so concerned with making money."

- Ben Rector’s “Making Money”