Going Somewhere In Life

I guess the thing that has been on my mind most of the time as of lately is charity and change in this world. We had Can-A-Thon at our school and I literally spent over $40 to buy stuff such as cake mixes and stuff to raise money. I made over 150 cupcakes, muffins, and brownies to sell. I personally raised over $100 for the Can-A-Thon. I know I lost a lot of sleep and money because of all it, but it's worth it in the end. Good karma, right? That's what kinda concerns me though. Karma. I'm doing a lot of good things and I hope good karma will hopefully repay me back in the future. Last night, we had a little competition at my work to see who could get the most donations for the Ronald McDonald House Charity. I got the most donations of over $30 and I won $5. Wooh wooh! Hahaha. But I realized that charity is really my thing.

Giving back to others and trying to make a difference in this world. There are a lot of less fortunate people in this world and many people are suffering everyday. I like to think that even $1 can go far. Whether it be giving someone a home, something to eat or drink, or even clothes on their back. I wish to start my own charity somehow. I don't know how, but it will happen. I'm so concerned about making a difference that I think it's possible. "The crazy ones that say they are gonna change the world are the ones that actually do."

I feel at this point in life, someone as young as I am, can really make a difference. As I was watching tv today, I kinda felt envious that I'm not famous. Well I mean, who doesn't want to be famous? But I want to be famous for the right reasons. I want to be a model for others. I want to inspire others. A friend was giving me a complement the other day saying on how I was such a good person and all, but that was really weird to me and I didn't really know how to react. I don't expect this from others. I'm just doing me. Everything I do is for a reason and I really do go out of my way to do things for others, even complete strangers. I just don't expect to be noticed for my actions and words. I mean it's great to be appreciated for that, it's just something that never crosses my mind.

One day though, I will have left behind so many words and memories that I hope people can carry on with them. I'll be somewhere in this world and whether people will remember or forget me, I did my part by leaving something to be remembered by. You make the best of everything you can. I don't know what will happen to me or what exactly my plans are, but I know for sure that I'll be out there changing the world. Even by myself...

One person is all that it takes.

The Silence

The Silence

So the other day in my lit class, we were supposed to be reading and researching for our junior paper but I was like nahhhh. Well I mean I tried working and I picked a book even though I was supposed to pick one like 3 weeks ago…..but anywho, I decided to open my notebook and just start writing. Something I haven’t done in awhile. I just let loose and started writing everything as best as I could.

“The silence scares me because it yells the truth. I feel that in these moments is when I really am aware of what’s going on in my life. I stare at a blank page and imagine that the lines and margins would be filled with what I want to tell people and what’s going on in my life. But I don’t know how….

I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. And lately, as bad as it seems, I wish I could close my eyes and go away. I think sometimes it would make life easier. Easier in the sense that just it was all over. I don’t want to commit suicide or anything. Of course not. But if death came knocking on my door, I would be ready to accept my fate. I don’t know why this came into my thoughts lately. Usually when I drive, I wish just something would take me away. Something to end it all. As depressing as that sounds, I feel like I’ve made so many efforts to make a difference that I think it’s sufficient to this point. I would leave the world with a meaning and remembrance of me. I just don’t know…

A silence fills my world. There’s a chaos around me and I’m sitting in the middle of it, but I don’t hear a thing. All these empty voices’ echoes fill the room. All the empty promises, the bitter truths, the hurtful lies, the lost thoughts, the unspoken words…All the things that remain silent especially in our hearts. How do we break this empty void that consumes our inner being?”

My life has just been so up and down lately. I’ve been doing a lot for others and I really hope that karma will somehow make its way back to me. Some time, somewhere.