The Silence

The Silence

So the other day in my lit class, we were supposed to be reading and researching for our junior paper but I was like nahhhh. Well I mean I tried working and I picked a book even though I was supposed to pick one like 3 weeks ago…..but anywho, I decided to open my notebook and just start writing. Something I haven’t done in awhile. I just let loose and started writing everything as best as I could.

“The silence scares me because it yells the truth. I feel that in these moments is when I really am aware of what’s going on in my life. I stare at a blank page and imagine that the lines and margins would be filled with what I want to tell people and what’s going on in my life. But I don’t know how….

I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. And lately, as bad as it seems, I wish I could close my eyes and go away. I think sometimes it would make life easier. Easier in the sense that just it was all over. I don’t want to commit suicide or anything. Of course not. But if death came knocking on my door, I would be ready to accept my fate. I don’t know why this came into my thoughts lately. Usually when I drive, I wish just something would take me away. Something to end it all. As depressing as that sounds, I feel like I’ve made so many efforts to make a difference that I think it’s sufficient to this point. I would leave the world with a meaning and remembrance of me. I just don’t know…

A silence fills my world. There’s a chaos around me and I’m sitting in the middle of it, but I don’t hear a thing. All these empty voices’ echoes fill the room. All the empty promises, the bitter truths, the hurtful lies, the lost thoughts, the unspoken words…All the things that remain silent especially in our hearts. How do we break this empty void that consumes our inner being?”

My life has just been so up and down lately. I’ve been doing a lot for others and I really hope that karma will somehow make its way back to me. Some time, somewhere.