Looking Up

As I was riding home from church last, I realized how amazing and care-free I felt. I haven't felt this way in forever and believe me, it's a whole new experience to relive. I went to church 3x this past weekend and it made me feel enlightened in so many ways. I absolutely love going to church now. I feel that my relationship with God and within myself has matured and become even stronger. There's nothing really bothering me anymore and I've learned to forgive others and move on with life. I love life and I feel that nothing can stop me as long as I place my faith and trust in God and maintain a determined and open-minded attitude.

I was standing in the shower today and I was thinking about a lot of stuff that I've said to people in the past and now as I think about it, they really don't have anymore meaning and I could care less. I mean I think it's impossible to stop caring about a person completely, but I feel that all these people in my past are fading away. I no longer suffer from those memories and I don't have feelings for them anymore.

It's weird saying that I'm beginning to forget who you are, but it's true. Everyone changes and that's something we can't control. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't remember what it was like to be a part of your life and I'm beginning to forget everything I ever said to you. I'll never say that time I spent with a person was worthless. I would never take anything back and all those moments have helped me become stronger and I've learned from all of it. It's help shaped my future and impacted me in numerous ways. But really, I used to be frozen with fear of the thought that you would disappear. That you would be the one to let me go. Quite frankly, I was the one who let you go. People change. That means I'm a part of that.

I wish I never had to let go of some people, but that's a part of life. "There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." I'll try my best to never stop caring about you, but just know I'll never stop loving you. It's unconditional and nothing in this world could ever change that.