Not Alone In This

"There are things in life that we can't do alone.... That's why we have friends." -Me


This morning I was awoken to startling news that my Grandfather on my Step-Dad's side was dying. I didn't know what to think. I barely know the guy and we aren't even that close. I called him before saying Happy Birthday and he didn't even know who I was. My Grandma (G-Money $$$) had to tell him that I was his Grandson. Up until this point I didn't know what to do or even say. I'm not much of a comforter to people in my family considering I don't even really like them. But I knew I had to tell someone, I needed someone to make me feel better because I was about ready to puke and cry. Haven't felt good lately and I honestly don't wanna deal with all the sad people at this moment of time. Because I am scared of death and I can't handle it.

I had a good friend named Matt ,who's one of my co-workers, come over. I called him having woken up, yeah I felt bad but I honestly needed someone. We were both tired from yesterday since we worked long shifts with barely any sleep. And I knew he wanted to sleep and not come over, but I think he later realized the importance of the situation. Because I was huddled up into a ball on the couch not trying to breakdown because I can't handle everything being thrown at me right now. It's good to have a friend who will go to extremities for you. Matt honestly is a really good friend I've made lately and I trust him with knowing my past and what really goes on in my life. He has changed my life in many ways and I thank God that I found someone who understands me and will continue to be there for me when it feels like all is lost.

So here I am, wishing the music in my ears would drown out the worries of the world and the feeling of coldness in my heart. I want to escape everything and I wanna be at peace with the world. I want to stop hurting. Because right now, I'm just breaking down and I feel like I'm beyond repair. I can't fix everything in my life and I'm only hoping that tomorrow will bring something better.

Whenever

I love you forever and ever and always I love you
Whenever you need me
I'll be there right by you
Whenever you call me
I'm there when you call
Whenever you're falling
I'm there when you fall
Wherever your going
I'll be right there showing
Our love's always growing and growing and growing
I know that you know it, there's no need for guessing
When I am requesting, I'm there with no questions
As... I'll go, wherever, whenever
If ever, you need me, I'll be here
Forever

-The Black Eyed Peas

Pour It Out

Sometimes I wish I had someone who I could just pour out my heart to. I know it sounds weird coming from me considering the fact that I have a lot of close friends, but I've yet to find someone who understands the things I do, the pain that I endure, the dreams I have, the past I've lived, and just my unpsoken thoughts. I want someone to embrace all my flaws, mistakes, and just who I am. I'm so happy all the time but people don't know what's going on in my life. I long for a true friend who will know when I'm not okay and help me to see the greater good in life. I need someone to be there when I least expect it. I need an escape from reality. I don't know when I'll ever meet this person but I hope someday soon enough.

Good: Of Moral Excellence

So yesterday, I felt pretty good and I really felt like doing something nice and good and what not. So I go to the bank and cash half of my check so I can survive for the next 2 weeks. Ahahaha. But after going to the bank, I’m like “Hmmm…I wanna do something nice for my co-workers because they are freakin’ amazing.” Like no lie, they really are. Well Heather’s birthday is today but I celebrated it yesterday because my car is in the shop and I have no idea how I’m getting to work today. Wooooh! Haha. So I got her a vanilla cake with fudge icing and get “Happy 21^st Birthday Heather” on there. :) Then I buy some candles and get her a card. I also buy my friend Brittany some Chickfila since I had a coupon for a free sandwich. Skipping ahead…….everyone said I was so sweet for getting Heather a cake and for getting Brittany food. We sang to Heather happy birthday and my boss Miriam recorded it and Heather blew out her candles. Oh the things we do. :) Oh and I spent like an hour talking to Brittany in the parking lot after she got off work. Going to see X-Men First Class sometime this week. Ayeeee!!! But anyways,  I honestly felt happy with myself. Heather said I was really sweet and everyone read what I wrote in her card. :) Apparently, I have really nice handwriting???? Thanks??? But yeah, I guess I really am a sweet guy. I honestly love girls like no tomorrow and the best way to start out a day is, “How am I gonna make someone’s day?” :)