Fear of You

Sometimes I’m scared of becoming close to you. I’m scared of saying the wrong thing because I don’t wanna say something that I will later regret. I feel that you’ll interpret it wrong and I’ll only be pushing you away. I miss you sometimes because I know that I can be myself with you and that I can always tell you anything. But I’m pretty sure you don’t miss me. You don’t know what it’s like for me. I think sometimes I overlook a friendship and I start expecting too much. And then I just try to forget about you, but I later realize I’m only hurting myself. But you don’t know that. I really put my whole heart in friendships.  

I try so hard not to text you but I always find myself giving in and doing so. I don’t want to speak to you anymore because I keep telling myself that if you wanted to talk to me, then you would. And when I do text you, I feel like I’m bothering you. Because I know deep down, I’m nothing more than just another friend who will later be forgotten.

I’ve always had the fear of becoming close to some people because these are the people that hurt me the most. But I’m later realizing that even though we’ve had some deep talks and proven to be great friends. I know I’m nothing to you really and that there are more important people in your life. God placed certain people in our lives so we could learn how to let go.

For me, it’s like there’s a battle within myself. I wanna continue caring about you and being there for you, but how can I when you don’t even acknowledge me? It’s honestly really hard to stop caring about someone you love. And you don’t really want to lose that person because they mean a lot to you and have really changed your life. Maybe you have to run away to see who will chase after you.