So typically every year when Christmas and New Year's roll around, I usually start to get depressed. I was actually supposed to write this around when the holidays actually happened, but I'm a slacker. Haha. But anyways, I love these holidays and like to partake in all the holiday joy, but it doesn't stop how sad I feel around this time. I didn't really know why I was sad, but I realized that it's because I have no one to spend these holidays with. I mean sure I have my family, but there is nothing close about us. We don't have family traditions or anything. There is nothing special happening. It's just a huge disconnection. I mean I wish I could build a gingerbread house, sit down and watching a movie with hot chocolate, or even just do ridiculous Christmas festivities. Nothing like that happens in my family. Christmas is just Christmas. But believe me, I still do believe in the real reason for Christmas and that is for Jesus.
I know for New Years, people usually put like money in their pocket or something ridiculous to wish for wealth and happiness and all. I remember one year, maybe last year, where I thought to myself. "Why can't I put my heart in my pocket and wish for love?" I'm realizing now that people use New Years as a way of trying to finally change something about themselves. But that's dumb. You're using this excuse. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that someone wants to better themselves. But you shouldn't use a new year as an excuse. You should want to better yourself everyday. I've realized that. But if using "New Years" as a way of helping yourself, then I'm all for it. I just feel that you should want to improve yourself everyday.
As for myself, I plan on cutting down on the money I'm spending, becoming a better person, growing closer to God, changing people's lives, getting in shape, spreading Limitless: The Anti-Bully Movement and doing better in school. I don't know where love will fit into all of this, but I will just let that come to me.
But this year, things were different. I wasn't that sad and wasn't that lonely. It was weird. I don't know how to possibly explain it, but maybe things are starting to look up. I think finally I'm growing out of this constant pain and sorrow. Well I know I can't fully escape it, because I deal with it everyday, but things grow better in time. I'm ready to start this year even better because I'm turning 18 and I'll be a Senior this year. I'm ready for new friends and just the opportunity to really bring about change to this world. I'm discovering who I am and what my purpose is. I'm hearing the calls that God has willed for me to do. 2012 will be a year to be remembered. Here I come world.
My name is Antonio Foles, and though I'm a nobody, I will be someone you will never forget.
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