Piano: A Haiku Of My Own

So we had to write haikus the other week for World History Class and apparently they were supposed to be about nature........BUT ya boi here wrote about things NOT related to nature! Shocker. I seriously didn't hear that but my haikus were beast and I still got a 95 overall. :) Here's one of them:

Fragile little keys

Expressing our inner self

Touch the heart and soul

One Step Closer to God

So this past week has been pretty stressful and dramatic, I was sorta in a fight with a friend over how negative they were. At the same time, I talked to an old friend who in like 5 minutes, shut me down. I was telling that old friend about a memory back in December about some fight. I told them how I understood how they felt. That feeling of where you're just whatever and you don't wanna deal with anything. I've been feeling like that a lot lately. Life has been pretty good up to now and I don't want anything to get in my way. I wanna keep being happy and just not deal with any problems.

Things are good now with that friend I was fighting with, however the other one. Uhhh...not so well. But hey, I tried fixing things. It's the thought that counts? Right? :) It's werid though not having that one close friend around anymore. I think back to some of my memories and I sure do miss it, without a doubt. But I can't dwell in the past forever. I'm here now and I gotta make the best of life.

Anyways, this past Saturday, March 5th. I was Confirmed. :) I finally received the Sacrament of Confirmation. I saw this as an opportunity to further increase and better my relationship with God. It's crazy how fast all the classes and what not just passed by. Confirmation was utterly amazing due to the fact that I read the 1st reading amazingly and that Archbishop Wilton D. Gregory was able to take part in our mass. He is freakin' hilarious and is a great person to look up to. Now that I have been confirmed, I feel that all my worries, sadness, and anger of the past week has just flown out the window and that a new life has been given to me. A new chapter in this book of life.

So for Lent, I've decided to give up on cussing. Oh yes I did. This is gonna be probably the longest 40 days of my life!!! I seriously cuss a lot and usually just the sight of certain people makes me wanna cuss so badly. For every cuss word I say, that's 10 cents to the Swear Jar. Gonna be one poor old chap, huh? Hahaha. I've also decided like every other year that I wanna become an even better person. From helping people to bettering myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. :)

I do however don't like when people misinterpret Lent. Giving up chocolate, soda, or whatever ridiculous thing isn't the importance of Lent. You're giving up something that affects your relationship with God. I'm pretty sure that chocolate or soda doesn't get in the way. I wish people would find the true meaning and I hope that these 40 days will not only change my life, but those who wish to take part in this liturgical season. :)

Looking Up

As I was riding home from church last, I realized how amazing and care-free I felt. I haven't felt this way in forever and believe me, it's a whole new experience to relive. I went to church 3x this past weekend and it made me feel enlightened in so many ways. I absolutely love going to church now. I feel that my relationship with God and within myself has matured and become even stronger. There's nothing really bothering me anymore and I've learned to forgive others and move on with life. I love life and I feel that nothing can stop me as long as I place my faith and trust in God and maintain a determined and open-minded attitude.

I was standing in the shower today and I was thinking about a lot of stuff that I've said to people in the past and now as I think about it, they really don't have anymore meaning and I could care less. I mean I think it's impossible to stop caring about a person completely, but I feel that all these people in my past are fading away. I no longer suffer from those memories and I don't have feelings for them anymore.

It's weird saying that I'm beginning to forget who you are, but it's true. Everyone changes and that's something we can't control. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't remember what it was like to be a part of your life and I'm beginning to forget everything I ever said to you. I'll never say that time I spent with a person was worthless. I would never take anything back and all those moments have helped me become stronger and I've learned from all of it. It's help shaped my future and impacted me in numerous ways. But really, I used to be frozen with fear of the thought that you would disappear. That you would be the one to let me go. Quite frankly, I was the one who let you go. People change. That means I'm a part of that.

I wish I never had to let go of some people, but that's a part of life. "There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." I'll try my best to never stop caring about you, but just know I'll never stop loving you. It's unconditional and nothing in this world could ever change that.

"D-I-N-O-S-A U R a Dinosaur!"

Quite the Relaxing Life

So what's on my mind? Hmmmmm......I would say lately that life has been ultimately chill. I had a party Monday and it turned out pretty amazing! :) Talk about adventures. Ahahaha. Me and a group of friends who I freakin' love to death and mean the world to me, we played Just Dance, blasted music and danced, made it rain, drove around my golfcart through everywhere, and just had a great time overall.

I haven't really had drama which is pretty good because I absolutely hate drama but even when I do have it, I'm really chill. Whenever people tell me stuff and whatnot, I just have this really chill attitude. Sometimes I wish, "F*** this S***!!!" was the solution to everything, but it's not. Sad. :'(

One thing that has been on mind though is that I want something do with life. I feel that now it's so chill and normal, that I'm starting to not like it. You have no idea, but I really want to go out into the world and just do something big. I'm so ready to get out of highschool and start a life of my own. I wanna see the lights of cities, I wanna fall in love, I wanna dream big, I wanna succeed, I wanna be the one person that changed someone's life. My parents aren't really big on supporting me on any ideas I have. What I don't get is that my parents don't care about my social life and what I want to do. I feel like I'm a deprived child and I'm living a sheltered life. Haha, funny way of putting it, but that's how I feel and it's somewhat true.

All around me, friends are going out and doing everything I can't. Driving is sorta one of those things. I know driving isn't a right, it's a privilege. But isn't that something I deserve? I mean forreal, I'm an All-A student, ranked 19 out of like 700 students, President of the Sophomore Class, involved in church and school clubs, and a person who just lives above the influence. What else do I have to prove? Nothing I do is never enough for my parents. I'm always getting angry at them because I'm unappreciated. Heck, I get a low A, I get yelled at. I know they are pushing me to do my best and succeed and not end up like my half-brother, but sheesh. I got an 89 for a 9 weeks grade in AP Stats (which doesn't even matter, semester averages do) and my step-dad flipped out and started cussing and what not. Like seriously, other people would kill for grades like that. Parents would be throwing parties for their kids! Idk, I just feel unappreciated and that I can't do anything even when I put forth my best.

I guess to wrap things up.......

Freedom is all I want.

"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's me and you together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."

It's A Busy Life

So.......I haven't blogged in awhile. Kinda makes me sad. :( I've thought about it everyday but it's been so hard to find time lately. Just to catch up on things, I'm sick (SUCKS SO MUCH!!!) but I'm getting better everyday so that's good. Hoping I don't get worse so I don't have to go to a doctor. I got my license last week and I just got my hard copy in the mail today. :)))) I've been doing amazing in school. Pretty much all high A's. Lowest grade is prolly a 98? I'm likin' it! Also I've been talking to a lot of random people at school, sounds kinda weird, but it's quite fun and you never know what good you can get out of it because there are people in this world that need that one person to just talk to them or make them feel better.

Speaking of feeling better, there's this girl I know...well I don't know her personally but I know of her. She was crying today so I went up to her and gave her a hug. :) For once, I felt so good about it. Like I just didn't avoid her and walk by. I told her, "I barely even know you but I'm gonna give you a hug." :) It's strange though because I forgot to get a milk in lunch and I didn't bring a vitamin water so I needed to go to the vending machines and buy a drink. By coincedence, she was near the vending machines crying. I don't know but it seems as though that I was placed in that situation for a reason. I'm glad though I was able to support her. :)

Anywho, on with more of my life. Did I mention I was sick? I feel horrible. But thanks to everyone who has told me to feel better and etc. :) I feel like life isn't exactly the way I want it right now, but I've been making small adjustments to help. I'm honestly trying to become a better person. Easier said than done! I told a dearest but new friend yesterday,

"Well breathe in and out, everything will sort itself out. Just place faith in God, he has a plan for you. :) And it's okay. I experience the same as you, but not as much as I used to. Something that helped me is that I realized I needed to let go of things in the past and realize the good things right in front of me and to keep pushing through no matter what. :) Eventually you have to forgive the person and yourself, then move on. Moving on is for the best."