Chances, Possibilities, Mistakes?

As time passes, you start to realize things you've done in the past. Like, "Why did I do that?" "What the heck was I thinking?" It's a common thing for people to say to live a life without regrets. But that's quite impossible for me. And I don't know if you feel the same way. I know deep down that there are things I said that I wish I could have taken back, things I could have done differently, and things I could have avoided.

A couple of times I've seen people crying or hurting and I remembered that I just walked by or I stood and stared with the crowd. Why couldn't I be the one to step in and hug them? Be the one to comfort them and show them back to their feet. So many times I just argue with myself why I couldn't have changed that. The same goes for things I've said and done. I'm not the kind of person to hold things in, but it's true that there is always a certain time for words to be spoken and actions to be executed. I'm sure that I may have hurt people with what I've done or I may have changed the way they look at me. The usual response is that they have nothing to say. I have a thing for making people speechless. It's amazing yet a bit sad. Whoever shall be the one to find the words to respond?

Situations I could have avoided. Now that I think about it, I believe that I put myself into a lot of situations that I shouldn't have been. And what did friends say in the end? "You didn't deserve that." But you're wrong. I did deserve that and as hard as I try to convince myself that I didn't deserve it, I just don't believe it. I'm the one who put myself in that situation. I'm the one who wanted to be venturous or rebellious. I wanted to defy  what everyone said and find out for myself. But with all of that pain, comes a stronger and smarter person. A better me.

I recently told a friend who's friendship with me is like that of a thread. I don't remember the conversation word for word, but I'm doing my best to remember and improvise. :)

Me: I just feel like it's not enough to say "I love you or I miss you."
Friend: So why do you say it?
Me: Because it's how I truly feel and I'm not ashamed of it.
Friend: I don't understand. If it's not enough to say "I love you or I miss you.", why say it?
Me: I say it because I really do mean it. I really put my heart into friendship. And I feel like I've done all that I can for our friendship. It seems like my enough just wasn't enough...

As I reflect, how did I get here in the first place? Something changed and I don't like it. Honestly, I really think I am the one to blame. Why can't we go back to those days when we would always talk, life was simple, our friendship was never-ending, and we could tell each other everything? I miss how life used to be. If only it was possible to just live in the moment forever. Always happy. Always loved. Always remembered.

A good friend of mind told me, that sometimes friends go seperate ways, but maybe those friends need to find their way back to each other. And I strongly believe in that. And to end this with a quote. :)

"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends."