So last weekend, I got the opportunity to serve on an amazing life changing retreat called SEARCH. I can't really say what goes on during the retreat but I can tell you what sort of happened and how it has changed my life in such a great way. I had the chance to be a Table Guide and I was blessed with 6 amazing children. Not only that, but I was blessed with such a great team and a huge amount of Searchers. I can't put everything into words the feelings I felt and all the experiences and bonds I made, but I hold them all close to my heart.
In a way, when it comes to down it, I can't entirely put all the feelings, memories, bonds, and experiences into words. Nothing can describe the transformations I saw in all the teenagers and adults. Nothing can describe the love I felt and still feel for all of them. There's a love inside me of that has become indescribable. This love inside of meaning is constantly finding a new meaning. These people have been changing my life and redefining who I am and what I live for.
I had 6 kids at my table and they were: Alexandra, Abraham, Alexis, Gabbi, Logan, and Tommy. I've never been so proud of them. They honestly changed my life and they've become a large part of it as well. Starting a retreat, people are usually awkward and keep to themselves, but these kids were the ones to defy that awkardness and silence. I've never seen kids so open to express who they are and the feelings they had. I had people asking about my table saying they were sorta jealous of our group hugs and how open my table was. Being on Team is a different perspective when it comes to SEARCH, I saw amazing transformations in these 6 kids that were true blessings from God.
We were more than a table. We were more than just friends. We are a family. The love I hold and posses for each of these kids is far greater than anyone I have ever loved before. Nothing can amount to this love because it is truly endless. And even as I type this blog, I'm sorta crying. Not of sadness, but of pure joy and passion. If I could, I would talk about every single thing that happened at our table but I would need a lifetime. Because even after SEARCH, we're still Table 3 (GTL: Guidos Toward the Lord) and nothing will ever separate us.
One thing that really has been kinda on mind is that fact that people thank me for what I've done and how I've changed their life. These kids say they owe much to me and could never be more thankful. And to be honest, I kinda don't know what I did. I just remained open and went ahead and told them that everything I spoke was truly from my heart and I was gonna be deep. I have to be who I am, I've learned to accept who I am and I want to share all my experiences, thoughts, and feelings to help them connect. Looking back, I wish there was more that I could have said, but in the end what I have given was enough. Maybe the reason why I feel this way is because I guess I've never really been appreciated for what I've done for people. Sure I go out of my way to do a lot of things for people, but this is just different. Changing lives has its own reward and I'm just thankful and hopeful that these kids will remember me in the years to come.
I'm truly grateful that I have changed and impacted their life in some way, because on our Table Candle was the quote "Change One Life At A Time." Our Candle was a Superhero because in our everyday lives, superheroes are just normal people. You don't have to have the power to lift buildings or capture villains. You have the passion to be there for people and help guide them. Being open and showing them love and helping them whenever they fall. That's a real hero.
I want all the searchers especially my table to go out into the world and show God's love and blessing. That's the real challenge. Because I know everyone is still on their retreat high, you have to learn how to transform that into a means of spreading the word and love of God. Even though people will try to cut down that high and obstacles will come your way, it's a matter of keeping your faith strong and never giving up.
As the retreat came to an end, I wanted to do something special for my Table and I thought long and hard on Saturday as well as Sunday morning. I decided what I wanted to do and that was pray over them at the end of this. I carefully thought what I was gonna say, but when it came to it, none of words I thought came out. I just spoke what was in my heart, and that's all that mattered. That last moment, it meant everything to me. Being circled up and holding hands. Our family. At the end of the prayer, I know I was a little shaken up and crying a little bit, but I did it because I truly loved these 6 individuals. My children. They are my everything.
For the first time in my life, I've never cried for someone out of pure love. I've always cried because of sadness and sorrow, but never for love. I love these 6 kids and nothing will change that. I pray and hope that they along with all the searchers will carry this experience with them. SEARCH 123 will forever live in our hearts. Everything, the tears, the love, the memories, the friends, the laughs, the bonds, the splendor and grace of God, is forever etched into our hearts and souls. Whoever is reading this, know that I love you and most importantly, God loves you.
Peace and Love in Christ,
Antonio Foles 121 <><
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
It's Just the Beginning
So I was at Youth Group last night and we were separating into small groups. Our youth pastor Susan was saying that all the groups would have 3 peer ministers who were confirmed teenagers and took on the role of being a leader of God. Well all the groups would have 3 peer ministers except 1. One group would have 2...unlesssssss........Susan calls me out and says, "Unless Antonio Foles decideds to be a peer minister" and I'm just like "Sure! Yeah!" Haha.
Anyways, we go into the room and we're discussing God, how we see God in others, and what qualities bring God to life, and etc. Well I wasn't saying much, just nodding my head, agreeing here and there, and laughing at necessary moments. Eventually the other peer minister and the rest of the group wants to know what I'm thinking since I haven't said much which is not good since they said I'm a peer minister and all. What came next I don't think they were expecting.
I told them one of the hardest times in my life and how God has helped me through it. "It all started in my middle school years when I was a bit atheistic. There was no reason for me to believe in a God who would put me through so much hurt and depression. I'm asking him for help and I'm not getting an answer. My prayers aren't being heard. I wanted to put myself out of the equation and the only way out was suicide. I later realized though that you can't always get what you want and God is simply testing your faith. In a way, that's what it's like, but there's more to it. I went to a different church and I also went on the SEARCH retreat through the Archdiocese of Atlanta and I reconnected with God. I found God again. I believed again. One thing that stood out from the retreat was one thing that one of the directors said, "I'm a tool of God. An instrument of God. God manifests his works through me." It was amazing what he said because I understood him. God was doing his works through him and he was doing his works through us by changing our lives one person at a time. I began to see God through everyone, we are all God's image."
When I was saying all of this, the expression on everyone's faces shifted and it was really surprising. I was amazed at how quick I was able to express myself and share my experiences with complete strangers.
I was talking to a friend who was questioning their beliefs and wondering if God was really real. For the most part, I might shorten stuff and their might be references to the statements above.
"And the point where your life starts to go downhill and you begin to doubt is the time when your faith in God should be at its greatest. For me, I didn't know that. I did the exact opposite like I stated tonight. Reason why you should place even more faith is because in times like these you'll find hope that you never knew was there. No one's life is ever perfect, we all have our hard times and it's our opportunity to push through and grow stronger from them. I told our group one of the hardest times in my life. I've showed them my struggles and how it has made me who I am. It's an opportunity. But get this, even after all these bad days,, one good day will change all of that and all those bad days will seem like a thing of the past."
My friend posed a problem saying that they feel that the only purpose in their life is to reach out and be there for those who need her. They hardly ever reach out themself when they need something and they feel hopless. Life isn't for them.
My response, "Story of my life. I'm always here for others whenever they need someone and I give them my everything. But when I'm down or needing something...where do I go? Who do I turn to? And it just hurts me. I know exactly what you're feeling and going through. It's always the people that seem the strongest that hurt the most."
The reason why my friend and I do these kind of self sacrfices for others is because we never want others to go through the hell we've been through. We never wish for the things we endured to be placed upon others because we want them to be happy and loved at the price of our happiness. We never had anyone who warned us or treated us the way we treat friends.
This weekend I'm working on the retreat, SEARCH 123. I'm ready to share my stories and help open the eyes of the new Searchers. I want them to reconnect to God and discover his grace, beauty, blessings, and miracles he does in this world. I want them to have the same experience I had but even better. This is my opportunity to open their hearts and guide them so they can discover themselves. All of our lives have a purpose.
I'm gonna change lives, one person at a time.
Anyways, we go into the room and we're discussing God, how we see God in others, and what qualities bring God to life, and etc. Well I wasn't saying much, just nodding my head, agreeing here and there, and laughing at necessary moments. Eventually the other peer minister and the rest of the group wants to know what I'm thinking since I haven't said much which is not good since they said I'm a peer minister and all. What came next I don't think they were expecting.
I told them one of the hardest times in my life and how God has helped me through it. "It all started in my middle school years when I was a bit atheistic. There was no reason for me to believe in a God who would put me through so much hurt and depression. I'm asking him for help and I'm not getting an answer. My prayers aren't being heard. I wanted to put myself out of the equation and the only way out was suicide. I later realized though that you can't always get what you want and God is simply testing your faith. In a way, that's what it's like, but there's more to it. I went to a different church and I also went on the SEARCH retreat through the Archdiocese of Atlanta and I reconnected with God. I found God again. I believed again. One thing that stood out from the retreat was one thing that one of the directors said, "I'm a tool of God. An instrument of God. God manifests his works through me." It was amazing what he said because I understood him. God was doing his works through him and he was doing his works through us by changing our lives one person at a time. I began to see God through everyone, we are all God's image."
When I was saying all of this, the expression on everyone's faces shifted and it was really surprising. I was amazed at how quick I was able to express myself and share my experiences with complete strangers.
I was talking to a friend who was questioning their beliefs and wondering if God was really real. For the most part, I might shorten stuff and their might be references to the statements above.
"And the point where your life starts to go downhill and you begin to doubt is the time when your faith in God should be at its greatest. For me, I didn't know that. I did the exact opposite like I stated tonight. Reason why you should place even more faith is because in times like these you'll find hope that you never knew was there. No one's life is ever perfect, we all have our hard times and it's our opportunity to push through and grow stronger from them. I told our group one of the hardest times in my life. I've showed them my struggles and how it has made me who I am. It's an opportunity. But get this, even after all these bad days,, one good day will change all of that and all those bad days will seem like a thing of the past."
My friend posed a problem saying that they feel that the only purpose in their life is to reach out and be there for those who need her. They hardly ever reach out themself when they need something and they feel hopless. Life isn't for them.
My response, "Story of my life. I'm always here for others whenever they need someone and I give them my everything. But when I'm down or needing something...where do I go? Who do I turn to? And it just hurts me. I know exactly what you're feeling and going through. It's always the people that seem the strongest that hurt the most."
The reason why my friend and I do these kind of self sacrfices for others is because we never want others to go through the hell we've been through. We never wish for the things we endured to be placed upon others because we want them to be happy and loved at the price of our happiness. We never had anyone who warned us or treated us the way we treat friends.
This weekend I'm working on the retreat, SEARCH 123. I'm ready to share my stories and help open the eyes of the new Searchers. I want them to reconnect to God and discover his grace, beauty, blessings, and miracles he does in this world. I want them to have the same experience I had but even better. This is my opportunity to open their hearts and guide them so they can discover themselves. All of our lives have a purpose.
I'm gonna change lives, one person at a time.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Taken for Granted
I had texted a friend saying, "Stay safe. I know you don't really care about what I have to say but just be smart for the people that actually care about you." I don't know if they understand how important that is. It really is important. Because I'm one of those people that actually care.
As years have gone by, I've noticed that I'm a very nice person. Way too nice for my own being. It's always good to do nice things because you know that's good karma and all. But, at the same time...it kinda sucks. We're taken advantage of and people don't realize the good works we do in everyday life. I take time out of my time to personally tell you goodnight or goodmorning or to have a great day. It's not because I have to, it's because I want to. I don't pray over friends every week because I feel that I'm guilty if I don't, it's because it's my purpose in my life to look over and care for them. I go out and spend my hard earned cash so you have something to eat and drink. I tell you I love you because I want you to know that there is someone in this world that is thinking about you and cares about you. Because you are never alone. You have someone to confinde in when it feels like all is lost or just have someone to talk to because you need a friend to laugh with.
All of these things sum up to something and in the end, I'm gonna try and be there for you, but one day I'll be gone because you never wanted me there or actually ever needed or loved me, and I hope that day never comes. But just know, I'm always with you and that I love you all the same. It's the small things in life that are taken for granted.
As years have gone by, I've noticed that I'm a very nice person. Way too nice for my own being. It's always good to do nice things because you know that's good karma and all. But, at the same time...it kinda sucks. We're taken advantage of and people don't realize the good works we do in everyday life. I take time out of my time to personally tell you goodnight or goodmorning or to have a great day. It's not because I have to, it's because I want to. I don't pray over friends every week because I feel that I'm guilty if I don't, it's because it's my purpose in my life to look over and care for them. I go out and spend my hard earned cash so you have something to eat and drink. I tell you I love you because I want you to know that there is someone in this world that is thinking about you and cares about you. Because you are never alone. You have someone to confinde in when it feels like all is lost or just have someone to talk to because you need a friend to laugh with.
All of these things sum up to something and in the end, I'm gonna try and be there for you, but one day I'll be gone because you never wanted me there or actually ever needed or loved me, and I hope that day never comes. But just know, I'm always with you and that I love you all the same. It's the small things in life that are taken for granted.
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