So I was at Youth Group last night and we were separating into small groups. Our youth pastor Susan was saying that all the groups would have 3 peer ministers who were confirmed teenagers and took on the role of being a leader of God. Well all the groups would have 3 peer ministers except 1. One group would have 2...unlesssssss........Susan calls me out and says, "Unless Antonio Foles decideds to be a peer minister" and I'm just like "Sure! Yeah!" Haha.
Anyways, we go into the room and we're discussing God, how we see God in others, and what qualities bring God to life, and etc. Well I wasn't saying much, just nodding my head, agreeing here and there, and laughing at necessary moments. Eventually the other peer minister and the rest of the group wants to know what I'm thinking since I haven't said much which is not good since they said I'm a peer minister and all. What came next I don't think they were expecting.
I told them one of the hardest times in my life and how God has helped me through it. "It all started in my middle school years when I was a bit atheistic. There was no reason for me to believe in a God who would put me through so much hurt and depression. I'm asking him for help and I'm not getting an answer. My prayers aren't being heard. I wanted to put myself out of the equation and the only way out was suicide. I later realized though that you can't always get what you want and God is simply testing your faith. In a way, that's what it's like, but there's more to it. I went to a different church and I also went on the SEARCH retreat through the Archdiocese of Atlanta and I reconnected with God. I found God again. I believed again. One thing that stood out from the retreat was one thing that one of the directors said, "I'm a tool of God. An instrument of God. God manifests his works through me." It was amazing what he said because I understood him. God was doing his works through him and he was doing his works through us by changing our lives one person at a time. I began to see God through everyone, we are all God's image."
When I was saying all of this, the expression on everyone's faces shifted and it was really surprising. I was amazed at how quick I was able to express myself and share my experiences with complete strangers.
I was talking to a friend who was questioning their beliefs and wondering if God was really real. For the most part, I might shorten stuff and their might be references to the statements above.
"And the point where your life starts to go downhill and you begin to doubt is the time when your faith in God should be at its greatest. For me, I didn't know that. I did the exact opposite like I stated tonight. Reason why you should place even more faith is because in times like these you'll find hope that you never knew was there. No one's life is ever perfect, we all have our hard times and it's our opportunity to push through and grow stronger from them. I told our group one of the hardest times in my life. I've showed them my struggles and how it has made me who I am. It's an opportunity. But get this, even after all these bad days,, one good day will change all of that and all those bad days will seem like a thing of the past."
My friend posed a problem saying that they feel that the only purpose in their life is to reach out and be there for those who need her. They hardly ever reach out themself when they need something and they feel hopless. Life isn't for them.
My response, "Story of my life. I'm always here for others whenever they need someone and I give them my everything. But when I'm down or needing something...where do I go? Who do I turn to? And it just hurts me. I know exactly what you're feeling and going through. It's always the people that seem the strongest that hurt the most."
The reason why my friend and I do these kind of self sacrfices for others is because we never want others to go through the hell we've been through. We never wish for the things we endured to be placed upon others because we want them to be happy and loved at the price of our happiness. We never had anyone who warned us or treated us the way we treat friends.
This weekend I'm working on the retreat, SEARCH 123. I'm ready to share my stories and help open the eyes of the new Searchers. I want them to reconnect to God and discover his grace, beauty, blessings, and miracles he does in this world. I want them to have the same experience I had but even better. This is my opportunity to open their hearts and guide them so they can discover themselves. All of our lives have a purpose.
I'm gonna change lives, one person at a time.
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