Day 11: Lent 2012

So today in AP Language, we read a story by Will Cather entitled, "A Wagner Matinèe". I will start with an excerpt from the story.

"Her eyes were closed, but the tears were glistening on her cheeks, and I think, in a moment more, they were in my eyes as well. It never really died, then -- the soul which can suffer so excruciatingly and so interminably; it withers to the outward eye only; like that strange moss which can lie on a dusty shelf half a century and yet, if placed in water, grows green again."


Throughout our lives, we endure a lot of obstacles that come our way in order to test our strength and faith. I for one speak from this experience and though I may be a burdened soul, I am a better being because of it. At some times in my life, I feel revitalized as if an awakening has come into my soul and I am truly exposed to the world. It is rare that this ever happens and I long for this revival to come again.

I live out my daily life with passion, and I, in some way, set up a facade to hide who I am. It's not that I do it intentionally but that it's part of who I am. You don't know the real me until you try to get to know me. You will find out what I love, what I hate, what my philosophy is, what's on my mind, what I see in people, what I fail to see in myself, why I feel the way I do, where I feel like I'm at in life, and everything about me. And I can't really say I'm setting up a facade, so I'm pretty much contradicting myself, but it's an image that I sell because it's who I am. I am a very outgoing, loud, and crazy person. That's the way I am.

Behind my mask, you may not see who I really am. I feel like the real me has been in a slumber for awhile and I feel like people have been tearing me apart with their judgement and words, but I haven't let that stop me. I remain strong for myself because I'm all that I have. Society has been pounding me and I'm crumbling and falling apart. But you know what they say? Things fall apart so better things come together. I pray that this quote is in relation to my situation.

For awhile I have remained silent, letting no one know of my problems or what's on my mind. My blog has been my escape, but my blog doesn't necessarily capture all the emotion in which I feel and put forth. I always imagine that one day I will truly sit down and let someone know and truthfully answer the questions, "How are you?" and "What's on your mind?" One day it will happen. I don't usually wait for things, but this is something worth waiting for. Someone to come along and ease my wounds and forget the pain. Someone who will understand my life and who I am. Someone who will remind me that it's not over. Someone who will help me put my life together.

Someone who will help me remember what it's like to be happy again.